Perceptions & Prejudices

Do you realize how we sometimes tend to judge a person so quickly with his looks , personality , profession , status or his behaviour ? This is how we get judged by others as well. Arriving at a conclusion before we factually know a person is incorrect. Let me narrate two personal incidences in my life where I had to change my opinion about two people I interacted with after knowing the truth behind their behaviour. 1. Years before when I was in the beginning of my career I was reporting into a rather autocratic lady manager. She was a  true Arian by nature , very stubborn. When she was at her workplace all she was interested in was results and statistics looking good come what may. Just to let you know that I was always working in customer service where people orientation is of utmost importance. You need a human angle to yourself if you have to deal with a team of co-workers or subordinates. This lady in question was gaining negative popularity rather rapidly with her aggressive and inflexible behaviour. Since I was a direct reportee to her it was all the more difficult for me to accept her explanations for the sometimes insensitive decisions taken by her which were honestly in the favour of the organization however at a price of completely dissatisfying the downline. There is only one mantra when you have a team reporting in to you - you must be able to balance your company goals and the interests of your juniors and be a conduit inbetween., After months of working under such a dominating leader one day my frustration got the better of me and I blurted out what I actually felt about her. I told her that she was a selfish , self centered and an unsymphatetic woman and I was tired of her belligerent behaviour. She was shocked and looked at me with eyes wide open but still maintained a calm demanour. What she said next was quite unexpected. I thought she will immediately issue me a memo for confronting her but she just said - Shweta could we have coffee at my place tomorrow. I want to introduce you to my daughter and familiarize you with a little bit of my surrounding. I meekly agreed. Next day I was at her beautiful parental bunglow in the evening. I was quite anxious to know what was in store for me. Once the meeting with the family members was over she took me to her room and opened an album. Thats my husband she said who is missing for the last four years. He was working in the Customs and is suspected of being killed by a narcotics gang. I was speechless. She said she had eloped at the age of 18 and married against her parents wishes. He was much elder and belonged to a very traditional family where women had to be clad in sarees and only work in the kitchen.While she herself belonged to a very affluent and modern family. She was a fun loving teenager who thought from her heart. She also said she had a very tough time adjusting to his mood swings. She had five miscarraiges after which her daughter was born , each one weakened her physically and mentally. But the worst was when he disappeared leaving her behind with a little daughter she realized that he had taken advantage of her innocent age and made her sign multiple bank documents which actually showed that she had taken a loan from the bank on her name. When her parents brought her back , she restarted her life. She tried to come out of depression by working again. She first cleared the bank loan and then started her savings from scratch. I felt my eyes getting moist. Then she continued - No dear its not that I'm emotionless , its just that I have trained my mind to control my emotions which never really gave me anything worthwhile. I have trained my mind to think in a more pragmatic manner. I was perplexed. She also said - While I have realized that should also take it easy and not be too hard on everyone which I will try!

2. I have a friend in my society who is a home maker. Her husband seemed like a male chauvinist to me who want their wives to sacrifice their careers and only look after their kids. Off and on whenever he saw me in the complex he kept passing acidic comments on how I should not be sending the kids to the daycare and should be sitting at home teaching them good values( whoever thought that values are only thought by non working mothers to their children? Are working mothers devoid of values ??) Well , because of all of this I did not have a very great opinion of him. One day I was chatting with his wife in the garden when we started speaking about how we met our respective husbands. She said she had an arranged marraige and her husband was very clear that he did not want a working wife. Ya I know that I said to myself! Then I asked her why was he so rigid about this , thats when she told me that her husband had lost his parents in a freak accident when he was just 6 years old. At such a tender age he was sent to a boarding school by his grand parents. Imagine a child who comes home from school to his loving parents who must be pampering him so much is suddenly sent to a boarding school at such a tender age. My heart cried out. Throughout his life he missed family bonding , festive celebrations , home made food and above all the love and affection of his parents. Which is why he did not want to come home to a locked house everyday. He wanted a wife who would be at home and turn the partment into a loving den. He did not want his child to be sent to a creche where ten other kids are also kept together.
    After listening to all of this I thought to myself that we misunderstand others so easily. We are so intolerant and inflexible when it comes to anyone apart from our close family members. Isn't it time we become patient , listen actively , understand beyond words and give time to any relation before we jump to conclusions ? Its time we see the grey inbetween rather than only seeing the black or white......