Accepting the Unchangeable...

The other day a friend visited me and wasn’t in a particularly good mood.”I am not able to reason who should be blamed for it. Is it myself or someone else?” she said.  “If caring without expectation should be the tone of any relationship then yes it’s definitely my mistake. But as human beings it is really possible for us to do that. Can we feel for someone, care for them and not expect anything in return?”, she continued. That set me thinking and I spoke to my mother about this. Here’s what she said:

Yes, I agree that human beings are biologically wired to love, care, need someone and expect the same in return. So when people don’t respond to you the way you wish they should, you get hurt and disappointed in them. But is this the right way of living? Should we or can we ever have control over someone else’s thinking, mentality, actions? Should we be concerned about how they lead their lives? Probably we cannot do much.  No matter how much you try and influence or change an individual, they will do exactly as they wish in their life. We do certain things out of love and sacrifice for an individual and then we expect them to return the favour. But when they don’t we blame them for their shortcomings. But has it ever occurred to you that the person you did all the stuff for, never really asked you to do it in the first place. You did it out of your wish so now you can’t expect similar treatment for yourself. It’s like expecting the mosquito not to bite you because you didn’t bite the mosquito! Human being can be so happy if they do not compare, expect and just enjoy while it lasts. When you trust someone, it means you are accepting the person as he is. You are not supposed to change, spy, and question him. You must believe that they are doing their best for themselves and in your interest. However if you do find out that the individual has failed and fallen short of your expectations then you cannot blame him. You must remind yourself that it was your decision to believe him and place your trust in him. He never asked you to. Now that it hasn’t worked out the way you need to then you must implement your plan B, which is accept the situation, forgive the person and move on. When I say move on, it’s not always leaving the person but sometimes we need to move on from the situation. We must all train our minds to serve our duties in all relationships with a certain amount of detachment. Detachment helps us in keeping our priorities and expectations in check. It helps us in accepting the ground reality that change is constant and nothing remains forever. Therefore the best way to lead your life is:

-          Accept changes gracefully

-          Live a free-flowing life

-          Accept people the way they are

-          Your reactions are in your control

-          Discharge your duties without expectations to avoid being hurt

-          If you do get hurt and if you can’t compromise on the situation then forgive and move on

-          Forgiveness is required, not because the sinner always deserves it, but because you deserve peace to move on.

These mantras sound simple but are extremely difficult to follow. But just because something is difficult to achieve, it does not mean that this is impossible to achieve. We must train our mind and bring changes in our thinking by behaving like the above on a daily basis. What we do on a daily basis becomes a habit and slowly becomes what we are!