Micro Parenting - The Modern Parenting approach which isn't helping

No there isn’t any term called Micro Parenting but couldn’t think of a better way to name my article. This sort of parenting style seems to be followed by all the modern mothers of our generation who seem to be the ‘I know it all ‘species. I thought of writing this piece out of sheer frustration after going through all the conversations shared in many of my Whatsapp groups especially the school ones. Some mothers are so worried about their kids that their entire day is only spent in thinking about what action they should be taking next in order to ‘help ‘ their child in some or the other activity. Most of the Indian families nowadays have only one child and so their entire focus is on that one poor soul! All their expectations, superstitions, and beliefs are thrown onto the child. The child has to bear the brunt of the overzealous mother till he grows up. Some of my observations are as follows:

1.       Completely cutting them out from Electronic Media – C’mon mammas, give your bacchas a break! Didn’t we watch cartoons, Chitrahaar, Chhayageet and the Saturday movie on Doordarshan as kids? So why be so strict with our kids? Television nowadays has a lot of informative stuff as well. And even if your child wants to watch cartoons or kiddies sitcoms or simply some movie songs, so what?? All you need to do is control the content and the hours of watching TV/Tab and so on. But don’t stop them from completely watching television or only allowing them to watch once in a week. It’s so not fair.

2.       Not allowing them to eat any junk food- So we were lucky that our parents didn’t stop us from eating paani puri, dabeli and Maggi! And we are fit and healthy! I think we can allocate a day or two every week where kids can eat this stuff. Let’s not go to extremes. Let them be kids and so the kids' stuff sometimes!

3.       Setting up play dates- During our childhood days we simply landed up at our friend’s place and rung the doorbell to check if they were free to play. But in today’s times, the mother has to call and check with the other mothers and find out if they can send the child to play at their house. If so it should be such that their lunch time is not affected. I mean, C'mon! What’s the big deal? Why are we getting so formal over a kids thing? And we the mummies are forming this culture, aren’t we? I agree if the friend is staying outside your society, then we need to check if they are available but for friends staying within our complex, all this drama is really not required.

4.       Too many extracurricular activities- It’s not important for your child to be a master in everything – dancing, painting, singing, sports, phonics ( then why you paying the school so much ??) speech& drama plus academic classes like Abacus and so on. I know mothers who take pride in saying that their child’s entire week is planned with a lot of activities. Some poor kids have one class lined up everyday post they're coming back from school! But why do you want to create superhuman beings out of those tiny souls? Children need free time to think, talk, behave and just be themselves. This is how their power of imagination and creativity will develop. They can’t always be in some regimented setup which is what these classes make them feel. Just observe one area of interest of your child and make them pursue that accordingly.

5.       Getting too involved in their day to day life activities and friendships- So I observe a lot of mother’s who are constantly watching over their kids like a hawk when they are playing with their friends in the garden. At the slightest argument, they rush in to be at their kid’s side. Let the child fight his own battles, let the child have the argument with their friend and sort it out himself. You are not going to be there all the time to protect your child his whole life. As an until kids it’s something serious like kids getting into a physical fight or situations where one child is completely alienated by his gang of friends, mothers really don’t need to fret so much or intervene. Make them tough. Our mothers were so chilled out and didn’t we turn out good? So let’s trust our prodigies!

6.       Making the child sleep in separate rooms since the age of three- Sorry I may sound very old fashioned and traditional but that’s because I don’t follow the western culture blindfolded. I don’t agree with everything they do or say. I follow my own Indian mind. Don’t get me wrong. I am a modern, educated working woman who is sort of a feminist as well. But I don’t reason with everything associated with the western lifestyle. Sleeping next to your child with his little arm over your shoulder is the best feeling in this world. It’s one of the ways best to create a life lasting bond with your child. The child can start sleeping in his own room when he is probably 8 or 9 years of age. Till then enjoy the company of your little one. Those precious moments before they close their eyes when you tickle them, share a joke, reminisce over something which happened at school, their warm little kisses and snuggles are valuable and prized. My daughter keeps stroking my hair with her tiny hands! You don’t want to lose that so early do you?

Want happy, successful and satisfied children, then stop doing ‘Helicopter Parenting’ and cramming their time with your expectations. Just let them be themselves! Be around for them when they need you. Teach them good values and correct them when they are wrong. But draw a line. Don’t try to kill your time by trespassing into theirs! In trying to be more caring and concerned about your children you may be breaking your back, not focusing on your marriage and other important facets of your life which may leave you dissatisfied and unhappy. The outcome will be unsatisfied and unhappy children who will not be able to bear the pressures of the world! Think about it...