The Girl Child...

Have you seen the new movie ‘MOM which released this month? It’s about a mother whose young eighteen-year-old daughter is gang raped and tried to be killed by some rapists. It was a heart wrenching and an extremely disconcerting watch. Before motherhood, I was less affected by watching or reading about such incidents. But now after being a mother of two (one of them being a girl child), it really makes me sit up and think about the kind of environment I am bringing up my child in. What is happening to the male population in our country? Statistics show that crime against women in India has gone up by 34% as compared to 2015! Well, these are serious crimes against women like rape, mental or physical abuse. But women also bear unfair treatment being meted out to them by their husbands/fathers / brothers at home, by colleagues in the office. We get judged more than our male counterparts. An Indian male no matter how educated and broad minded he is, always feels that he is superior to a female. And this in a way contributes to the disrespectful behaviour shown to women. We pride ourselves on being a nation with a very rich and pure culture, but surely we are going wrong somewhere in bringing up our male child. There is definitely a lot of room for improvement in teaching our sons on how to respect women. Instead of focusing on the larger piece, let’s start at the grass root level. I have put down my observations and suggestions on what we should change within our society:

1.       Involving your son in household chores like your daughter

In most Indian households, the male child is given preferential treatment since his childhood. He is not allowed to lift his plate after meals, not allowed to polish his own shoes or make his own bed. If there is a daughter in the house then she is expected to do so or the ever loving Indian mother will come forward and do it for her loving son. He is taught by his parents, grandparents, and relatives that a son is meant for larger things in life like earning lots of money and making his parents live very comfortable when he grows up and not for small petty things like helping at home and learning how to cook. Some years back an old aunt l know told me- Just wait you’re your daughter becomes 16 and then she will help you in making rotis and chopping vegetables. I replied back that I will be happy to get help from both my kids. She was shocked and asked me why I would want my son to learn the kitchen stuff? I replied back rather arrogantly- I plan to give equal education to my kids. Both my son and daughter will be equally qualified and earning well. So why should must only my daughter does all the housework when she gets married? Why should my son get the privilege of only working on the office? Is it because he is a boy?

Don’t men abroad do household chores? Off course she didn’t have anything to say to me.

2.       A boy’s behaviour is not judged

A girl is always given expert advice on how she should carry herself, in what decibels of sound she should speak, how she should handle herself in public and so on. She is told that she needs to control her anger and should never have an ego because one fine day she will have to move in another house. A girl is expected to do all the sacrifices and maintain be docile whereas a boy has been given the birth right to use profanity and express what’s going on in his mind. A male flaunting his ego and anger is considered very biological which ultimately encourages a man to be less sensitive towards women. They say how a man treats his wife depends on two things – How e has seen his father treating his mother and what values his mother has put in him. If a child sees that his father unfairly treating his mother, then he will grow up thinking that women must be suppressed and their primary responsibility is to listen to the male members of the family.

3.       Unequal Education

While a considerable amount of money is spent on the boy’s education, in many families (even in the cities) a girl is deprived of higher education because parents save the money for her marriage ceremony. Some families in smaller towns and Orthodox communities still feel that if a woman is more educated and earns a good amount of money then it will be difficult to find a match for her.

4.       Unequal Expense during wedding

Even in today’s times when we have lavish marriages happening, the girl’s side of the family is expected to bend down and incur more expenses than the boy’s side of the family. This feeling that the boy is doing a big favour by marrying the girl and accepting her responsibility for a lifetime is deeply ingrained in all Indian parents. Obviously, in this circumstance, the boy definitely feels a notch higher in importance over the girl. The movie ‘2 States ‘has depicted this issue beautifully in one of the scenes of the film. Here I also blame the girl for accepting such a groom. Should she not think about her parents’ financial position?

5.       Names in a relationship

Devar Bhabhi relationship is considered as a sacred one where the bhabhi is supposed to treat her devar like a son. But Saali is aadhi gharwali?? Why is that so? Who has allowed the man to think that he can claim right over his sister in law? One may say that these things are to be taken lightly and definitely so, but I am just pointing out at the convenience with which our culture has been chalked out, clearly being partial to the men!

6.       Expecting more adjustments & sacrifices from the women

A working woman is expected to handle her house and office with equal excellence and is made to feel guilty if she makes a mistake in managing any one of them! While a man is given that liberty that he can come home late from work or travel in his job since the wife is supposed to take care of his home, parents, and kids even if she is working herself! So many of my friends can’t make a single plan to go out with their buddies because no one is the house is willing to take care of the kids. While their husbands travel, go for office parties and make plans with their friends since they don’t feel the need to check with their wives for that. It is taken for granted that everything will be taken care of at home while they are outside.

7.       Deadlines and dressing sense

Why are deadlines only for the girls? Apparently, it’s done so that we feel safe. If we control our boys and their lurking out after decent hours then safety is as it is taken care of. I agree that we must dress for the occasion and decency must be observed but don’t objectify a woman by commenting on her dressing style and blaming that for attracting unnecessary attention.

There is a very meaningful quote by an Iranian Human rights activist Shirin Ebadi. She says –

“Women are the victims of this patriarchal culture but they are also its carriers. Let us keep in mind that every oppressive man was raised in the confines of his mother’s home”

So true!

Because of all of this, men do feel more superior, powerful and maybe feel that women must give in to all demands made by a man. It’s time we make small changes in our behaviour and train our sons to view our daughters as their equal.

Waiting for your comments and views on this topic!